There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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