He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i think i just lost a toe
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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