Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
