Don't you send me to vm
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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