ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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