I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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