STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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