Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
