How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
