And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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