i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
