i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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