Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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