wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
