are you so shy because you have an std?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm really busy with my period
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