Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
