I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
