you would pick up someone in the library
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
