im holly from the hills drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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