An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
