At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
