Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
