It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
