Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
