drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
