So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
