is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We are all done wearing pants today
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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