This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
