I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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