I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
