he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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