Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
