respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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