went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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