I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ketchup is God's man juice
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he just fucked me for my cheese..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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