Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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