I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
