I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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