i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can Purell be used as lube?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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