the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
