He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
