I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
