he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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