if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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