Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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