never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
