Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
