dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
