It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
