Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
