Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
