Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
