was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
